There is so much that's already been said about love that I am almost afraid that I'll be super cliched in this blog, but that's a risk I'm willing to take.
Since Platonic love is a separate issue and will only complicate this entry, I'll stick to discussing romantic love. So...what is love? (Yes, cue the bobbing heads and 90's techno beat.) Well, it's a lot of things to a lot of people. According to the 2005 movie Casanova, love is the weather being good, because rain is just another kind of good weather; according to the movie Hedwig and the Angry Inch's song "Origin of Love", from where I got part of my title, love is the result of some weird story about Zeus cutting people in half so that instead of being two people in one, we're individual people looking for the other half that we lost; and according to dictionary.com, love as a noun is defined as:
Since Platonic love is a separate issue and will only complicate this entry, I'll stick to discussing romantic love. So...what is love? (Yes, cue the bobbing heads and 90's techno beat.) Well, it's a lot of things to a lot of people. According to the 2005 movie Casanova, love is the weather being good, because rain is just another kind of good weather; according to the movie Hedwig and the Angry Inch's song "Origin of Love", from where I got part of my title, love is the result of some weird story about Zeus cutting people in half so that instead of being two people in one, we're individual people looking for the other half that we lost; and according to dictionary.com, love as a noun is defined as:
1.
a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person.
2.
a feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection, as for a parent, child, or friend.
3.
sexual passion or desire.
4.
a person toward whom love is felt; beloved person; sweetheart.
5.
(used in direct address as a term of endearment,affection, or the like):
Would you like to see a movie, love?
7.
sexual intercourse; copulation.
Well, from my perspective, romantic love is a kind of foreign concept. I often doubt that I have ever loved and doubt that I am capable of it. Part of it might be that people constantly belittle and degrade my past romantic relationships (myself included) so I've got this notion of "You haven't really been in a real relationship" ingrained in my head, but I really don't agree with that. Not to honk my own horn, but I've been through some things that people may go their entire lives and not have to endure. I've had to choose between the person I love and my family on quite a few occasions. I've cared for those I've been with in sickness and in health. I've financially supported my beloved ones. I've been the "man" and the "woman" in relationships. If actions do indeed speak louder than words, then I suppose it's very possible that I have loved.
I believe I really was in love with my first boyfriend, whom was also my longest relationship (age 14 to age 16). I really believed that he was the only one for me and that if I ever broke up with him, no one else would ever want me. Whether he returned the sentiment, I'm not sure. In retrospect, his main focus seemed to be sex. Not surprising for our age, and since his cheating (5 times) and my unwillingness to have sex with him was one of his main points for breaking up with me, I guess his libido overruled his feelings. It's bittersweet to think that often maligned "puppy love" can be far more genuine than mature love. To me, it makes sense. When you've got emotional baggage and all sorts of misgivings and a chequered past, how can you honestly claim to love with your whole heart?
Well, from my perspective, romantic love is a kind of foreign concept. I often doubt that I have ever loved and doubt that I am capable of it. Part of it might be that people constantly belittle and degrade my past romantic relationships (myself included) so I've got this notion of "You haven't really been in a real relationship" ingrained in my head, but I really don't agree with that. Not to honk my own horn, but I've been through some things that people may go their entire lives and not have to endure. I've had to choose between the person I love and my family on quite a few occasions. I've cared for those I've been with in sickness and in health. I've financially supported my beloved ones. I've been the "man" and the "woman" in relationships. If actions do indeed speak louder than words, then I suppose it's very possible that I have loved.
I believe I really was in love with my first boyfriend, whom was also my longest relationship (age 14 to age 16). I really believed that he was the only one for me and that if I ever broke up with him, no one else would ever want me. Whether he returned the sentiment, I'm not sure. In retrospect, his main focus seemed to be sex. Not surprising for our age, and since his cheating (5 times) and my unwillingness to have sex with him was one of his main points for breaking up with me, I guess his libido overruled his feelings. It's bittersweet to think that often maligned "puppy love" can be far more genuine than mature love. To me, it makes sense. When you've got emotional baggage and all sorts of misgivings and a chequered past, how can you honestly claim to love with your whole heart?
With my second and third relationship, they were very short and I'll chalk the second up to a summer fling (as much as it burns me to do so since I was so dedicated to this boyfriend and he was good to me) and the third as a one night stand. The fourth is a long, arduous story about which I could write an entire blog unto itself, but I can safely say there was some love involved at some point. The fifth was fairly innocent but I think it was based more on mild infatuation than actual love. The sixth was a torrid affair (it's debatable how much love there actually was) that I thankfully ended before it caused as much damage as the fourth, and last but never the least, the seventh was incredible and devastating at the same time. The seventh showed me how much I could love, but at the same time it's rendered me a shell of whom I used to be, and honestly, I don't want to return to how I used to be very much because it's that person whom got me into the mess in the first place. In retrospect, the sixth and the seventh, and definitely the fourth,probably would have been infinitely better as casual flings instead of full-fledged relationships.
Most days, I find it a miracle when any two people can effectively communicate and interact. When two people can get along well enough to be in a relationship for any period of time, it's just plain mindblowing.
Most days, I find it a miracle when any two people can effectively communicate and interact. When two people can get along well enough to be in a relationship for any period of time, it's just plain mindblowing.
A lot of people seem incapable of understanding why I'm so jaded when it comes to the topic of love. Some might trace it back to my parents' marriage, which ended in 1997 when my parents divorced. Some might say it's because my parents were infinitely better friends than lovers. Some might say it's been my own tumultuous relationships. Some might say it's because I witnessed countless friends whose lives have been turned upside down, and in some cases nearly ruined, by tainted love. I'm sure those things helped shape my particular view, but it's hard to say what the root of the cause is.
Some things I've experienced I feel are fairly universal: Love is becoming open and vulnerable to new things, whether good or bad. Love is a lot of the things listed in that Bible quote that has become a wedding cliche. Love is pain. Can I say with certainty that the good outweighs the bad when it comes to love? Absolutely not. This is very much an opened ended issue and probably should be taken case by case.
On an unrelated note, I will say that love at first sight is a funny notion. I tend to agree with the thinking that it's actually lust at first sight, since we cannot possibly know everything about a person in one glance, no matter how good we are at reading people. I tend not to believe in it, but then it happens to me because Irony seems to get a lot of amusement out of messing with me. I met a very talented young man this weekend and couldn't help but be drawn to the beautiful words that flowed from his mouth and the stunning images that emerged from his hands. He's also happily married and I can safely say that I'm not his type. I'd be lying if I said this was the first time I've been in a situation like this, so I'll just contentedly be a fan of his and not waste my time with foolishly longing for an embrace I may or may not get again, a kiss that I know will never come to pass, and other fantasies that will do nothing but poison my mind.
Are there other, better fish in the sea? Of course. Whether my fishing lure is in any condition to try to catch them is another issue entirely. I have a couple of fish in nearby waters that seem to like my company, but I can't promise that they'll lead to anything, so again, I'll just take it one day at a time and see where life leads me.
Some things I've experienced I feel are fairly universal: Love is becoming open and vulnerable to new things, whether good or bad. Love is a lot of the things listed in that Bible quote that has become a wedding cliche. Love is pain. Can I say with certainty that the good outweighs the bad when it comes to love? Absolutely not. This is very much an opened ended issue and probably should be taken case by case.
On an unrelated note, I will say that love at first sight is a funny notion. I tend to agree with the thinking that it's actually lust at first sight, since we cannot possibly know everything about a person in one glance, no matter how good we are at reading people. I tend not to believe in it, but then it happens to me because Irony seems to get a lot of amusement out of messing with me. I met a very talented young man this weekend and couldn't help but be drawn to the beautiful words that flowed from his mouth and the stunning images that emerged from his hands. He's also happily married and I can safely say that I'm not his type. I'd be lying if I said this was the first time I've been in a situation like this, so I'll just contentedly be a fan of his and not waste my time with foolishly longing for an embrace I may or may not get again, a kiss that I know will never come to pass, and other fantasies that will do nothing but poison my mind.
Are there other, better fish in the sea? Of course. Whether my fishing lure is in any condition to try to catch them is another issue entirely. I have a couple of fish in nearby waters that seem to like my company, but I can't promise that they'll lead to anything, so again, I'll just take it one day at a time and see where life leads me.
I'm not sure how to wrap this up except to say that I welcome any and all input in the comment section. I haven't gotten any comments on my blogs and I would really love some. Thank you for reading and I hope to write more soon, especially when I'm not in a brain fog like I am right now.
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